gimme fiction

Highlights (though not for children)

Wed, 14 May 2008 15:53:06 GMT

The highlight of my day yesterday was definitely when I tried to use my ATM card to get into the subway. You know, instead of the MetroCard I use several times every day. That was awesome. Especially because it was rush hour and a ton of people saw. They probably thought I was some confused foreigner, or worse, a tourist from the Midwest.

Actually no, the highlight was when I was on the phone with Jonathan having a conversation about this interview I'm going on next week when suddenly I looked out the window into the neighbors' backyard and interrupted myself to scream, "OH MY GOD! A BUNNYYYYYYYYY!"

You see, our neighbors were farmers back in their native Poland, and every spring debut a new menagerie of critters for us to giggle at. Until they disappear in the winter, presumably to be eaten. So right now we've got a chicken and a huge adorable white bunny hanging out back there. I kind of want to go on a rescue mission, because they're so cute, but that'd be totally hypocritical since I have eaten plenty of chicken, and even some rabbit, in my lifetime, and also I LOVE STEAK. But there's something about seeing the animal every day, and coming to think of them as pets (even if not your own pet) that makes it super sad they will be dinner in a few months. You know? So, any ideas for stealth missions into my neighbors' yard?

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 18:37:33 GMT

am experiencing powerful creative itchies. too bad am at work and then have a meeting tonight and won't get home to novel or camera for a while. also i finished a draft of my novel, sort of. still has plot holes you could stick an arm thru. but am going to print it all out and begin scratching away with the red pen.... soon.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 20:56:15 GMT

OMG guys so there is a new rock station in New York that isn't unbearable. It's 101.9WRXP (AKA the New York rock experience), formerly known as the home of smooth jazz. Anyway, your typical Clear Channel-owned crapfest station plays the same pre-approved junk over and over. And sometimes not junk, but really, how many times am I expected to listen to "All Apologies"?

Anyway, WRXP's website says that "RXP won't be relying on corporate playlists. The music we play will be chosen and presented by our local, New York staff and DJs. We'll pay close attention to the music, concerts and events that are part of New York's rock scene and support up-and-coming local artists as well."

We've had it on at work all day and I've heard The Pixies, Radiohead, The Hold Steady, The Flaming Lips, Bruuuuuuuuuuce, and some semi-obscure 80s stuff. Everyone should listen! It's a jillion times better than Q104.3 or (shudder) K-Rock.

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:01:40 GMT

Anyone have any yummy and easy curry recipes to share? Jonathan and I plan to attempt cooking tonight. Given that last time I tried to make dinner for him, it ended with a smoke-filled kitchen and tears (not from the smoke, from the fact that I have the emotional maturity of a fetus), this will be a collaborative effort and hopefully not involve too many steps. Or an oven.

Oh and has anyone ever heard of Irish potatoes? Apparently they are candy that looks like potatoes with a kind of cinnamon outside and coconut paste inside. I had never heard of them until last weekend.

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:58:01 GMT

Reasons forwardthe should re-friend me:

1. I live a thrilling, fast-paced lifestyle in the most exciting city in the world, and therefore she should want to live vicariously through me.*
2. I am unmarried and not pregant** so I provide the single woman's perspective.
3. I provide much-needed Schadenfreude to anyone who remotely has their shit together.
4. You can never have enough people telling you that your kid is cute.
5. I am pretty bored of the circumcision debate so like, I won't comment on those entries.
6. Let's be honest, I'm way funnier**** than most of your LJ friends.

* By "me" I mean the TV shows I stay at home watching and then blog about, because I cannot afford to go out
** As far as I know***
*** Just kidding, Dad
**** i.e., not humorless

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:55:14 GMT

So, apparently I get $800 back from taxes? In addition to the rebate? I will try to be responsible and put the extra cash mainly toward rent / bills etc. but I would like to buy myself a present too and maybe some of you can advise me here: I want to get a nice camera. In high school I was very into photography, and not only because there was a really cute older hipster boy in my photo class and I dreamed that one day he'd pull me into the darkroom and make out with me (alas, no.) So currently I own a very old and scratched SLR and a basic point-and-shoot digital camera, and what I want is I guess somewhere between the two extremes? Something where I can snap a quick shot if I want but also be able to futz around with aperture and focus and other functions if I decide to be "artsy." Any photo people on my friends list care to advise?

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 04:11:48 GMT

1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search

1. You know what you done there? You told my story, you told my whole story right there, right there. One time, I told you I was gonna make you somebody. That's what you done for me. You made me somebody they're gonna remember.

2. You and I share the same DNA. Is there anything more lonely than that? Adaptation

3. Jean Louise. Jean Louise, stand up. Your father's passing. To Kill A Mockingbird

4. Elliot, I don't think he was left here intentionally, but his being here is a miracle, Elliot. It's a miracle and you did the best that anybody could do. I'm glad he met you first.

5. Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do? Annie Hall

6. You see a lot, Doctor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.

7. Out! Back to the sixties! Back! There's no place for you here in the future! Get back while you still can!

8. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm an oil man you will agree.

9. Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind!

10. You see, before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. If he weren't up there now... I don't think it would be snowing. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it. Edward Scissorhands

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:19:45 GMT

Hello everyone, hope you all had a nice V-Day, and that it wasn't a VD-Day. I visited Jonathan in Bronxville and we went to a party for the graduate writing students, so everyone, of course, was extremely drunk. Good times! He got me roses and I got him cupcakes from the Magnolia Bakery, which we ate while singing "Lazy Sunday" ("five / no, six / no, twelve / baker's dozen! / you know i'm crazy / bout these cupcakes, cousin").

This morning Vivian was telling me how that scene in "Billy Madison," where Steve Buschemi crosses Billy off his "to kill" list, reminded her of her boyfriend. I think her boyfriend is better looking than Steve Buschemi, but then, there are women who find him attractive, apparently. Which leads me to ask, who do you find weirdly sexy, even though they are not generally considered attractive? Post photos here.

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 19:21:23 GMT

OK since clearly no one is going to respond to my previous pretentious post about my artistic philosophy, I'll try again.

Jonathan's effing basketball coach scheduled a practice from 7 - 9 on Valentine's Day. And he refuses to move it to a different day. Obviously the man hates love. I haven't had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day since eleventh grade, and I want to take full advantage of all the hours of gloating that should be available to me on February 14th. I've been gloated at for so long. I've been told BUT BEING SINGLE IS SO FUN! (It is not.) I want to relish, to revel, to rub faces in it. Call me selfish. Fine. I would enjoy the chance to be selfish for one day, instead of try to convince myself that Valentine's Day is a (choose one)

* holiday invented by Hallmark
* way for people to console themselves about their messy relationships with inanimate objects
* something I do not care about (sniff sniff, scoop from the Haagen Dazs, change the channel in search of something dark and violent)

But THE COACH IS TRYING TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.

So, I guess we will do something on February 13th instead. Which I'm sure will be lovely but not. the. same.

What are you doing for V-Day? Or how are you not acknowledging it?

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:05:33 GMT

"Art loves chance. He who is willing to err is the artist." --Harold Rosenberg, art critic

For me it also means "he who is willing to concede." For instance, one might concede that at this point they will not write a Great American Novel. They may not write something that captures the infinite. They will probably not be writing, presently, the best thing they will ever write. They can, however, write the best novel they can write right now. So myabe the willingness to make mistakes is the same as the willingness to concede that mistakes inevitably will be made.

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:27:55 GMT

omggggg i have the worst pms ever today

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:10:18 GMT

OK so literally the heat is broken in the office where I work. The pipes burst while the university was on break. I'm sitting at my desk wearing a buttoned winter coat and gloves. Only a matter of time until I can see my breath, I think. It's pretty fucking annoying that I have no hope of feeling warm for the next five hours.

But that's OK because I started my day with a visit to my favorite coffee cart! For non-New Yorkers, those are little trucks on the sidewalks that sell you various breakfast provisions. There are many of them in midtown Manhattan, where cheapskate office workers abound. I enjoy my $1.75 coffee and bagel very much, and I also like the guy in the cart at 53rd and Park a lot. He's super friendly and upbeat, but also really sarcastic and life-hating. It's a fun combo! He's always like, "Hey! Good morning! Happy New Year! It's freezing and everything sucks!"

Also, could someone, without mocking me for my ignorance, explain to me the difference between a caucus and a primary election? How much do caucuses influence the presidential nominations? Thank you.

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 17:36:50 GMT

i'm at my temp job now and the place is totally dead because anyone who doesn't get paid by the hour high-tailed it to their christmas destinations early... also it's freezing in here. let's talk about something to keep me occupied and slightly less painfully aware that my entire body is currently an icicle...

hmm. let's see. post photos of yourselves looking sexy.
or of sexy celebrities, if you don't think you're sexy.
or tell me what you're going to eat over the holidays.
or tell me why jesus is the reason for the season.
or we can talk about atheism.
or your significant others.
or what movie you really want to see.

ok go.

oh and here is a photo of me:

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 18:05:52 GMT

Last night Jonathan and I made steak (well he did while I played around on the Internet) and then went to see Margot at the Wedding, which, watching people be relentlessly horrible to each other doesn't really do it for me. Plus, we saw a mouse running along the floor of the theater so I spent the second half of the movie curled in a ball in my seat, scanning the floor in obsessive horror. We also saw Juno over the weekend, which is overrated. A C- movie with A+ moments. Though Michael Cera is adorable.

We have the insane holiday schedule of a married couple! I'm actually really excited though.

12/15 - Leave for South Jerz for his grandparents' Christmas party
12/16 - Aunt and Uncle's Christmas party
12/21 - Viv's birthday party
12/22 - My grandmother's 90th birthday party
12/23 - 12/26 - Christmas with his parents & siblings in Maryland
1/1 - My parents' 25th anniversary party

This means a variety of relatives will be providing us with free food and lodging for many days, which is fantastic. I think I should get little host and hostess gifts for his family though, no? Anyone have any ideas? I just feel lame showing up and scavenging without any thank you gesture.

Oh and to beat the post-Christmas doldrums we are immediately going to see There Will Be Blood when we get back from Maryland. It looks like the greatest film ever made. IT SHALL DEFINE OUR GENERATION. You heard it here first.

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 02:42:23 GMT

I still like to read other people's LJs and go to LJ communities but I lost interest in sharing my personal life online a while ago, obvs. But I want to feel part of LJ culture and not like a creepy lurker so I think from now on this journal will be the domain of the 3 P's: polls, poems, and provocative questions. Here are all three in one entry because it's the first time:

Poll:
What's your favorite thing(s) to eat for breakfast? There's this place near me in Greenpoint called Enid's that serves this leek and potato hash that is fucking incredible. They also have the best Bloody Marys ever. I also enjoy blueberry pancakes.

Poem:
30 Cents, Two Transfers, Love
By Richard Brautigan

Thinking hard about you
I got on the bus
and paid 30 cents car fare
and asked the driver for two transfers
before discovering
that I was
alone.

Provocative question:
Assisted suicide?
How about if it's for someone suffering what they call unbearable pain, but it's from a non-terminal illness?

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 07:12:02 GMT

arrrgh can't sleep life too scary

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:11:29 GMT

So I was reading this article today, as was, apparently, everyone on the planet. (It's the most emailed article on NYTimes.com right now.) It's about Portland's hot culinary scene, and how all these chefs are moving out there because there are great ingredients from tons of local farms, a sophisticated public that appreciates good food, and cheap rent. Essentially, they want to be big fish in a medium-sized pond.

This has gotten me thinking big, life altering type thoughts. For a long time I've been extremely opposed to the "start out in a smaller pond" theory. New York is the place for literary upstarts like myself, I thought. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere! Land of opportunity! The city that has everything! It's the center of the world!

It's also where I essentially grew up, and despite my adventurous tendencies, it's never been a question where I'll ultimately settle down. But maybe it's time I ask myself what exactly being a New Yorker has done for me. Fucking everyone here considers themselves a writer. The market is completely saturated. I'm competing with 50 other people for entry-level copywriting jobs that pay barely $30K, which, if you want to live in NYC, is not nearly enough to live comfortably. And by comfortably I mean, not eating Chef Boyardee for every meal. What is the point of living in this city if I'm too poor to enjoy what it has to offer?

Meanwhile, Portland is cheap. It's pretty. There are mountains and water and farms and hiking and good food and lots of young people. It's laid back. A cursory Craigslist search reveals that beautiful 1BRs are available for $900/month, so if a certain someone wants to make a cross-country voyage with me (and he has expressed quite vigorously that he is) we could live rather comfortably.

And there are more mid-sized cities that I'd probably enjoy living in. Meanwhile, here in sewage-smelling New York, I haven't made progess, financially or career-wise, in months. I don't have health insurance. I don't have a regular job. I'm too stressed by these things to do any serious writing, because every time I sit down to work on my novel, I feel guilty for not working on my life first. So I have to wonder, why I am I putting myself through this?

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:50:16 GMT

Catticus' favorite activity in my room in the new Brooklyn apartment is to jump on my desk, to my short bookcase, to the top of my tall bookcase, the highest point in the room. Yet! This great height does not sate her exploratory impulses. Catticus, from her perch, gazes longingly at the armoire on the other side of my room, even leaning forward slightly and tensing her muscles, dreaming of the day when she will take a flying leap across my room and conquer the armoire.

Then she realizes that that day is not today, looks down from the top of the bookcase, and discovers the descent is far more perilous than the ascent.

But do I help her? No! Because if I get her down from the bookcase, she will never attempt to get down from anything on her own ever again. Now that she is the only cat in the apartment, she has become even more regal than ever before, and barely bothers to even cover her queenly poop after leaving it in the litterbox.

l'shana tova

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 21:00:49 GMT

i think i'll start writing in this journal again. welcome back me! also here are some attractive jewish people in honor of rosh hashanah. 5767 is going to be the best year ever.

David Duchovny

Rachel Weiszqzrzxrr

Liev Schreiber, covered in the blood of Gentile children

SMG

rest of life: still a mess

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 21:28:37 GMT

I'm so happy I finally found someone who takes games as seriously as I do. Really friends, if you think I get inappropriately enraged when I lose at Scrabble, you should see what Jonathan is like when he only gets 1 point for his team in a round of Taboo. I was afraid he was going to Hulk out.

I love that boy so much, you have no idea.

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 02:51:29 GMT

I have a new icon that I stole from someone and I haven't posted in almost a month sooooooo...

I've been temping, collecting unemployment, and babysitting lots. But I have an interview for a real job Tuesday that I really hope I get. Because like... not working makes me feel a bit loser-y. On the plus side, I'm spending a lot of time with my bf. Katie, haha, you know him. He was in David's workshop. Guess who! Hint: neither of the Davids. Because one is married and one is gay.

In other news, if anyone spoils the new Harry Potter for me, I will cut them. I don't understand some people on LJ who say "OH COME ON IT'S A CHILDREN'S BOOK." It's not, but even if it was, what do you care what people derive enjoyment from? If you try to ruin that, you have a bitter, shriveled-up heart. It probably looks like a dried strawberry.

Jeanette, Vivian, and I all are having the books delivered on Saturday and then we're going to have a Harry Potter reading day in the park on Sunday. I almost hope a stranger runs up and tries to spoil it, so I can chase them and beat them up. I have a lot of energy stored up, given the whole not working thing.

Also, I've been listening compulsively to this band, The National, and they're so great. I recommend you investigate.

This is quite comforting

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 16:46:00 GMT

From an interview with Anais Nin:

Q: I am interested in so many things, and I have a terrible fear because my mother keeps telling me that I'm just going to be exploring the rest of my life and never get anything done. But I find it really hard to set my ways and say, "Well, do I want to do this, or should I try to exploit that, or should I escape and completely do one thing?"

A: One word I would banish from the dictionary is "escape." Just banish that and you'll be fine. Because that word has been misused regarding anybody who wanted to move away from a certain spot and wanted to grow. He was an escapist. You know if you forget that word you will have a much easier time. Also you're in the prime, the beginning of your life; you should experiment with everything, try everything.... We are taught all these dichotomies, and I only learned later that they could work in harmony. We have created false dichotomies; we create false ambivalences, and very painful one's sometimes -the feeling that we have to choose. But I think at one point we finally realize, sometimes subconsciously, whether or not we are really fitted for what we try and if it's what we want to do.

You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. No, I think there was too rigid a pattern. You came out of an education and are supposed to know your vocation. Your vocation is fixed, and maybe ten years later you find you are not a teacher anymore or you're not a painter anymore. It may happen. It has happened. I mean Gauguin decided at a certain point he wasn't a banker anymore; he was a painter. And so he walked away from banking. I think we have a right to change course. But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things. They would like you to fit in right away so that things work now.

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 02:49:51 GMT

How weird is Catticus:

I feel like this needs to be made into a cat macro. In case you're wondering, that IS Oh No They Didn't Catticus' fat head is partially blocking.

Thu, 31 May 2007 20:42:10 GMT

An apartment in a building between Avenues C and D just sold for $10 mil. BETWEEN AVENUES C AND D. Wha-? I just... I don't know anything anymore.

Wed, 30 May 2007 14:04:10 GMT

I was getting on the 1 train at 42nd Street this morning - the train was sitting in the station and I hurriedly followed two women down the stairs for it. There was an MTA lady standing right there at the front, talking to the conductor, who saw us. The two women got on before me, and just as I stepped on, both doors closed on me. HARD. SQUEEZING MY ARMS HARD. I said "JESUS CHRIST," probably very loudly, because I had my headphones on and couldn't hear myself, turned sideways, and managed to get into the car. At which point everyone stared at me as though I had just squatted and peed on the floor. And now, no joke, my right arm from shoulder to elbow is bruised. I am not pleased.

In other news, I was watching an old Oz episode last night, and there were two Russian inmates who had an entire scene in Russian without subtitles. The only word I understood was "jengi," which means money. My mom has always called money jengi and I thought that was just a funny thing that she or my grandma made up, but no, it is Russian. A similar thing happened to me with the word agita (it means heartburn) - I thought this was a commonly used expression until I went away to college and all my friends who are not from the Northeast were like, what the hell are you talking about. It turns out it's something my dad picked up from his Italian co-workers. I think if I cobbled together all the expressions I know in Yiddish, Russian, German, and Italian, I'd have a pretty interesting language. There's this phrase that means cold feet in German that's just amazing - I wish I knew how to spell it - but it sounds something like "ize speinchas." It's what my grandparents used to say to me about my feet when I was a little kid. I have slow circulation, OK.

In any case, it gets me thinking about a Flannery O'Connor essay on writing that we read in my last workshop. Flan (that's my nickname for her) talks about teaching a class full of writers from the Deep South, but none of them make use of the rich lexicon of the places where they grew up. Flan thinks that's a big waste. I suppose it's important to realize that what is ordinary language to you is fascinating and foreign to someone else, and that you ought to make use of it in your writing because it adds so much color. I think its possible to go too far in that direction though - I'm reading Stephen King's latest novel right now and it's getting a bit ridiculous with the quirky phrases. It's about a married couple, and I think he's trying to get at the interior language people build together, the little inside jokes and private things, but it's too much. I find myself craving a normal sentence. Add to that, the couple lives in Maine, so everyone's all "Ayuh" this and "I don't pronounce my R's" that.

Uh, and that's all I have to say about that.